The value of loneliness” “

People get married later and with greater awareness, but more often they remain “single”, a highly respectable status, a vocation in no way inferior to marriage: so say the bishops of England and Wales. In its latest document of social doctrine entitled “Cherishing Life”, the Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales has recognised the positive role of singles within the Church. Two experts who contributed to the drafting of the document explain what value singles have for the Catholic Church. “BEING single”. The bishops dedicate a chapter entitled “Being single” to this condition. They explain that sometimes it is dedication to work that prevents people from finding their ideal soul mate, but the loneliness that is the consequence of remaining single is allayed by friends who are also very important for married couples. Others, according to the bishops, have made no conscious choice to remain single, but their search for a companion has remained fruitless. According to the Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, it’s a sign that God calls them to live in this status of being single, in the present moment, by dedicating themselves to work, friends, family and the opportunities that present themselves from time to time in their life. Situations change, say the bishops, but it is in present circumstances that each person is called by God to live, love and act. There are also others, says “Cherishing Life”, who have lost their wife or their husband, a painful and traumatic experience that forces them to come to terms with the absence of the person who was the very centre of their life and that has now changed their status, from spouse to single, a by no means easy adjustment. And lastly there are those who are separated and divorced. Their condition, if they remain faithful to the vows of matrimony, can transcend the grief of separation and bear witness to the sanctity of this sacrament. For them too friends are very important. And for them too the status of single may become an enriching vocation. SingleS, A LONG TRADITION. “The appeal of the Bishops to singles to cultivate their vocation should be seen in the context of the British situation where just under a third of families now consists of single persons”, explains David Jones, professor of bioethics at St. Mary’s College of the University of Sussex, south of London, who participated in the drafting of the document “Cherishing Life”. “The Catholic Church has always attributed a vocation and a precise role to singles, but hitherto in a rather underhand way. Marriage and religious life were emphasised as the main vocations, even if the Church has a long tradition of singles who have been important for the Catholic faith, ever since the widows in medieval times”. “The novelty of the document “Cherishing life” is the emphasis placed on this status, which is given a far higher value than in the past”. Does the single person suffer more from loneliness than a married person? “Someone who is happily married – Jones replies – undoubtedly does not feel lonely, but someone who is at loggerheads with husband or wife will feel far more isolated that a happy single person who has lots of friends. Even someone living alone can achieve self-realization if he/she has a fulfilling job and good friends. It’s important not to marry as a cure for loneliness; those who do so will begin married life on the false premise. I consider the situation of the separated and divorced difficult. For them it’s really tough and they risk suffering from isolation and from a strong sense of guilt”. “As the bishops say in their document, friends are the best antidote to loneliness, for singles, married and separated persons alike. I think the bishops tried to reach out to Catholics in whatever condition they have to live, recognizing their difficulties with greater candour than in the past”, concludes Jones. Also in the view of Father John Sherrington, professor of moral theology at St. John’s College, University of Guildford, another of the experts who contributed to the document of the bishops of England and Wales, “the importance given to singles is something new for the doctrine of the Church”. “The bishops – he says – point out that there is a risk of singles being so absorbed by their work and the logic of success in professional life that they forget to cultivate relationships. Those who work a great deal should ask themselves why they do so, whether it’s a genuine service to others worthy of the Christian vocation or a selfish form of conduct”. SOME FIGURES. There has been a growth of singles and single-parent families in the United Kingdom since 1971. According to the data furnished by the government’s National Statistics Office, between 1971 and 1988 the number of homes inhabited by a single person doubled, from 17 to 31%, and the proportion of single-parent families tripled, from 5% to 15% of the total. They are figures that have not suffered significant changes over the last five years. The proportion of families formed by a married or cohabiting couple with children has dropped, from less than a third of all families in 1979 to just over a fifth in 2002, while the proportion of single-parent families rose from 4% of the total in 1979 to 7% in 1993. According to data just published by the World Health Organization, the proportion of children reared by a single parent is higher in Great Britain than in any other country in Europe.