Youth believe in fidelity

In the first three months of 2006 divorce in Spain increased by 28% over the same period in 2005. On the scale and immediate impact of the law approved by the Parliament in July 2005 that makes divorce easier in Spain SIR interviewed LORENA ASENSIO , vice-president of the Group of Catalan family associations (www.sobrelafamilia.org), mother of a large family and an expert on questions relating to television and children. Is “fast-track divorce”, in your view, a proof of the slight importance now attached to marriage? “The problem goes back further in time and is not just a consequence of the actions of the present government. It forms part of something deeper, of the cult of ‘light’ relationships. After the post-war generations who gave priority to discipline rather than feelings, the present generation has gone to the opposite extreme, privileging feelings, to the point that these rule our life and take precedence over reason. There is extremism in both cases. Feelings are important and we mustn’t ignore them but life, in my view, must be governed by reason and with the help of will power. If not, the result is that when husband and wife no longer feel ‘the same thing’, they are filled with disappointment, instead of seeing these moments as a new challenge and a new stage to discover new bonds of true love. As for family policy in general, in our country being family-minded, and defending the rights of the family, has clearly been stigmatised and/or made fun of by some debates in the mass media. Yet, despite the situation of increasing divorce, the institution most esteemed by the young remains the family. And despite the glorification of infidelity on TV, the young regard fidelity as a decisive factor for the success of any marriage. For us there does not exist any more modern society than one that sees its creative potential increased by the participation of the new generations. If there are no children, and later adolescents, society becomes reactionary since stagnant in its creative potential and future. That’s why it’s essential for the government, of whatever political complexion, to react, because it is indispensable to create conditions to enable the young to form stable families, unique in personality”. Why is a country with few divorces a better country? “A country with few divorces denotes people’s ability to establish solid and trusting relationships, and the beneficial effects of this make themselves felt on society as a whole. To make this happen, it’s important to create conditions of respect for human dignity (both of men and women) and to promote the responsibility and commitment of both spouses to the common objective of devoting themselves to each other’s needs and happiness, by opening themselves to the procreation of new life and to others. Marriages with children are a living demonstration of the capacity for commitment, hope and a positive attitude to life”. But there are also those who don’t choose divorce, but who are abandoned by their husband or wife and have to rebuild their lives. What’s to be done in these dramatic cases? “Yes, those who feel betrayed, those who were in love and had a very clear idea of the meaning of marriage, can be found in these situations. In such cases, the family support of parents, brothers and sisters, and friends round the person suffering because of abandonment can be of crucial importance. The family, when there is real love between its members, has a surprising capacity to absorb the most varied afflictions and sorrows: unemployment, depression, dependence… This support may be essential for a person to recover self-confidence in the first place, and then rebuild his/her life in a positive manner in relation to children, if there are any, and to the other aspects of life. In this sense, it’s essential that policies be not only of welfare type, but be also preventive in nature. Account needs to be taken of the likelihood that there will be situations of crisis in marriage. So preparation for marriage is important: a boy and a girl need to be prepared for it; they need to have a deep knowledge of what marriage entails. The civil institutions also need to participate in educating people in the needs and responsibilities of marriage, as happens in other countries”.