Faith in the family

The latest data issued by the Government’s statistical office confirm that marriage is an institution undergoing a serious crisis in Great Britain, where civil unions reached their lowest levels since they started to be officially registered. Religious marriages decreased by 50% compared to 1991 and over three quarters of Catholic couples live together before getting married. We spoke about this situation with Elizabeth Davies, in charge of a new project on the family for the Bishops Conference of England and Wales. “There is no area of our life which can be compared to marriage, Davies declared. “It’s the only realm in which we are fully committed physically, psychologically and spiritually with another person. The fact that our partner has taken our same commitment is a very strong gesture. When we no longer have the courage to continue this commitment, an important value is missing in our lives. Our societies are marked by the widespread belief that marriage is expensive and couples have other priorities, such as buying a home. For these reasons they prefer to postpone. However, the reasons for this crisis aren’t economic”. What are the reasons then? Which answers is the Church trying to give? “I believe that relations require a great amount of time to develop. Couples today are under different forms of pressure. This makes it hard to keep the dialogue going and preserve a sound relationship. One of the major problems is related to couples’ expectations in marriage. When people get married they are fulfilling their dream, which entails the expectation that everything will be perfect, which of course is not at all realistic. In 2004, fifteen-thousand Catholic families interviewed by the Church declared they perceived the Catholic marriage ideal as impossible to achieve and that they were not being welcomed within the Church. In response to this problem, English bishops created the project: “Celebrating family: blessed, broken, living love”, which has now reached its second stage called “Home is a holy place”.What does this programme concretely propose to families? “We’re organizing meetings in each diocese to hand out the material we prepared in the parishes. It consists in resources and means conceived for different purposes during the First Communion formation courses to bring parents closer and during preaches. The more significant phrases could be inserted in the parishes’ news bulletin, or could be individually sent to the families’ homes. It’s also important to speak about the family with families and with priests. The meetings of presbyters at deaconate level or the pastoral council are the ideal frameworks to address this issue. I believe that the awareness that couples are doing something sacred while creating a family, which is the message of the programme, is not very widespread among Catholic families”. Do you think a specific space for the family is necessary in parishes, similar to the existing one for preparation to the Sacraments? “The Parish is the ideal place for families, but resources are often limited and families don’t have much time and can’t always meet to develop friendly relations. While before marriage there is an incentive to take part in the marriage preparation course, once couples get married and they are busy looking after their children and with their jobs, there is less time and interest in taking part in the meetings. Another problem is the strong mobility existing also in the United Kingdom where couples, once they have gotten married in a parish Church move to another for different reasons including their jobs and their home”. Besides the program, are family initiatives being held in the local churches?“The diocese of Arundel-Brighton in the South of England is organizing a series of meetings for couples on Saturday mornings. In the Church of England and Wales there will be twelve new job openings in the family sector. These are divided into three areas of interest: increasing existing family services; expanding national projects such as ours; and setting up basic structures within the family ministry. For example, the diocese of Nottingham is looking for a person that will help parents follow a spiritual path and prayer within their families. The Anglican Church of Holy Trinity Brompton in London invites couples to attend dinners where they have the possibility of drawing together a balance of their marriage. In London, Lancaster and Manchester families are encouraged to meet in similar occasions to establish relations that will help them in their everyday lives”.