The future is in marriage

Approximately 200 participants attended the first national conference for all marriage preparation providers in England and Wales that took place a few days ago. The Conference was hosted by the Bishops’ Committee for Marriage & Family Life of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, which presented the findings of an online survey conducted in the period January-December 2010. The survey collected the replies of 225 marriage preparation providers, 112 couples, and used 105 monthly statistics submitted by 38 marriage preparation course counsellors and by 8 groups of diocesan statistical data. The results of the survey show that 150 providers guarantee over 7,200 preparation hours, of these, 61% are from the “Marriage care” charity, 24% from dioceses, 15% from the “Foccus” programme, and 16% from parishes. SIR Europe has asked Elizabeth Davies, coordinator of the Committee for Marriage and Family Life of the Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, to draw a balance of the conference and comment on the findings of the survey.What has been the most important fruit of the conference?“We brought together people from marriage preparation programs held across the Country. They all realized how important it was to meet with other people who share their same commitment, with the same enthusiasm, passion, enjoying the pleasure of being together”.Do you think it is due to the fact that those organizing the courses have scarce possibilities of interacting with other providers? According to your survey, although 98% of those responsible of the courses received vocational training, only 22% can count on ongoing formation…“Indeed. It may be possible that the courses’ coordinators also need support. What we are trying to do is precisely to develop, for the first time, a national strategy, with common content for the courses and annual meetings such as this one, so they may become points of reference. We will see whether at local level it is possible to have a coordinator that will overlook the courses’ organization and give advice. I think the courses should have a shared content. We may consider an online resource enabling all organizers to communicate and support each other”.53% of all those involved in this service have been training couples for the past 7 years, 28% have been involved for 3-5 years, 13% from 1 to 3 years. The survey also shows that marriage preparation providers remain the same for many years. Is a turnover possible, considering that according to the survey, a third of all couples preparing for marriage look forward to becoming marriage preparation providers? “My impression, which is the result of many years of activity, is that the providers are usually older than the couples being formed. At the conference most participants were fifty to sixty years old. Now that we know that many couples are willing to help us, we have to find ways to get them involved without overburdening them, considering that they are doing volunteering work. Perhaps they could be asked to contribute just a few hours. The ideal is to have a mix of expert couples and other younger ones that are just at the beginning”.At the conference it was said that in the parishes great emphasis is given to broken marriages while little attention is dedicated to deteriorated relations. Is that true? “A perfect relationship does not exist. Marriage is a struggle, with alternated periods of difficulties and ease. Many couples need ongoing support also after marriage. Some find it hard to achieve full speed, like a rusty engine, but they still remain together. It’s important for this to be acknowledged and supported by the Church. We have to pay attention to marriages that continue, but we must not overlook those that have already broken apart”.Do these courses only serve to prepare couples for marriage? “What has emerged clearly from the conference is that these pre-marriage courses are a form of evangelisation, contributing to the building of parish communities. It’s important that the whole Church acknowledges the importance of this work. These couples are our future”.